Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Pre-Wedding Arguments: How to Avoid World War 2.5

I'm lucky to have a fiance who is very hands on and supportive all the way. Even on tiny unimportant girly stuff like choosing between air brush and regular make-up (we chose air brush, less photoshopping for our photographers, haha). He helps me keep my sanity intact by being my referee when I start to worry about trivial stuff.  He helps me pick which stuff to get stressed about and which ones I should just let go. He's my spokesperson, my driver, my negotiator, my advisor, my consultant. He's always there on every decision I have to make.

But like any other soon-to-wed couples, we also have our share of bickering and arguing (but  h2b is always the calmer one). After all, men are from mars, women are from venus, right? There are stuff that the bride wants that makes the groom cringe. There are stuff that  the groom claims is important but not to the bride. And the list could go on and on.

But won't you rather have that small arguments than have a non-participating partner who just leave all the wedding planning to you? And I'm not just talking about non-participating grooms here but non-participating brides as well. I've heard stories of brides who enjoys watching their grooms slave away doing the wedding planning as if they have won a grand prize.

Just to be clear, whoever plans the wedding doesn't mean he/she is the weakest link. You shouldn't be proud that you're not doing your share because you have someone who's doing it willingly for you. Planning a wedding also prepares you for your marriage. It tests how good of a team player you both are. If you're not doing your share doesn't that make you selfish? Either that or the partner is a control freak and doesn't want the other partner's inputs. But what do I know, I'm not an expert on relationship. I'm not Doctor Love, haha. I'm not judging. We are all different. I guess some are just not into all that wedding prep stuff and we have to respect that. But I'm not saying the non-participating partner is off the hook. Please be sensitive. You both really should work as a team. There should be equal distribution of work. If you really can't put an effort because you are always extremely busy then I guess that's fine. Just make sure you're not just making excuses to not participate.

Anyway, this blog is really about how to make sure you and you're partner are still talking after all the wedding talk. I got this from 1weddingsource.com and thought is worth sharing.

1. Try to set aside at least one day a week when all wedding talk & bickering, is banned. Have a romantic evening in or at a special restaurant & try to remember what it was that attracted the two of you together in the first place. Never go to sleep on an argument. Always kiss & make up before morning no matter what the argument was about.

2. Realize when an argument cannot be won. Perhaps you are both right or maybe both wrong. The only way forward in such a situation is to change the subject & move on. Diffuse the tension with some laughter. A little humor can go a long way to making you both see how silly the argument really is. Pledge that when ever one of you starts to moan about something, the other has to give you a kiss!

3. Try to look beyond the wedding. Your wedding is just one day & even though it will be special, so will the rest of your lives afterwards. Spend some time talking about your hopes & dreams for the future & the goals you both want to work towards. It will help focus your minds & take some of the pressure off.

4. Let it go! Your wedding day is about love & happiness. Things may well go wrong, you may well overspend on the budget but you should just stay cool, calm & relaxed, accept what's happened & concentrate on marrying your true love

image credits: weddingbycolors and 1weddingsource


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